Warning - Salesbeing Alert
by Jedi Ani Unduli
Summary: We all have dealt with these... okay, I guess people at some point in our lives. Ahsoka, however, hasn't, and drags Barriss Offee, Luminara Unduli and Anakin Skywalker along for the ride which has hilarious results later on. Criticism and reviews generally welcome, as long as civility is maintained, please and thank you.


_This came to me while writing application essays (I really want to be a cop; most are honorable people I've found). It got to the point of where I couldn't concentrate on writing those anymore, so I wrote this, am publishing this, and then back to work I go, yay! Wish me luck and prayers appreciated. Read and review, as always. I do read them. :-)_

 _Disclaimer: Idea is mine, the characters belong to - well, whoever owns them now._

 _This takes place after the events of Star Wars The Clone Wars: Season 2 Episode 8 "Brain Invaders"_

Ahsoka was staring moodily out at the stars of space. She was impatiently waiting for the doctors inside the medbay to finish their final checkup of her good friend and fellow padawan, Barriss Offee. She had visited constantly ever since she had been released. Masters Luminara and Skywalker were off somewhere, probably in another meeting concerning the war. She probably should join them, but she didn't know when she'd next see Barriss again! This war was seriously making it difficult to socialize with anyone else beyond her master and Master Obi-Wan (and the droids and clones – but she didn't count them).

Hearing footsteps behind her made her spin around in delight. They must be done already. Took long enough!

"So, doc, is she reaaaaaaaaaaaaa…." She trailed off, slightly confused. This being, a Twi'lek, before her was not a doctor. In fact, his perfectly unblemished suit combined with a billion-credit smile, gleaming lekku and a strange looking case under one arm pretty much crossed out any possibility of belonging to the medical profession. Unbeknownst to her, this was only the beginning of her problems.

"Good morning, miss," he said, flashing his entire, toothy smile in her direction. "I was wondering if you might be so kind as to spare me a few moments to showcase some very rare and special items."

"Uhhhhh…." Master Skywalker had warned her about his kind. She couldn't remember what he had called them, but he had said to be wary of nice suits, cases with unknown goods, and smiles that stretched way too far. She knew she should get him to go away, but how was she to go about it? It wasn't like she could just threaten him with her lightsaber.

"Good! Let me take this moment to thank you ever so much for your generous donation of your time to see my humble offerings." He smiled another billion-credit smile, which made her want to shudder. "Now, I suppose you have been wondering to yourself how to protect yourself with a galaxy-wide war keeping you from sleeping safely at night?"

"Not rea –" Ahsoka began.

"Of COURSE you have!" the Twi'lek exclaimed. "Who wouldn't? Between the Republic and the Separatists, there isn't a peaceful space left in the galaxy for common folk like ourselves." Ahsoka's eyes bulged in anger at that comment. Common folk?! Oh, she would _love_ to show him… "Now, what I am offering is a special kind of deal on a vibroblade. It's specially made from the finest metal from the mines of Norulac, and its vibrations have been tuned to the finest degree so when it comes to slicing food or stabbing an attacker, no extra force on your part is required!

"Of course, I have a limited amount of these items, being so valuable and expensive as they are. Beings all across the galaxy from Coruscant to Ryloth are demanding for these knives to protect themselves and their families from the horrors of the war. However, just for you, miss, I am offering a special, one-of-a-kind deal. You can choose to just buy one for the small price of twelve Republic credits, or get three of these beauties for merely twenty credits more, reaching a small sum of thirty-two credits. Of course, I cannot make this offer last as demand is quite high, so which of my two splendid offers would you like to take advantage of?"

"Uhhhhh….." Ahsoka racked her brain, trying to come up with something. "Well, sir, you see… I'm not exactly an adult quite yet, so –"

"Oh, I see! A minor!" He made several _tsk tsking_ noises with his mouth, sounding more like an insect than a comforting adult. "Well, Republic law does forbid selling any sort of weapons to a minor, so I'm afraid you're out of luck, young lady." She breathed a sigh of relief. "Unless, of course, your parents are with you." She froze. This could not be happening to her. Didn't this guy get the hint already? _I'm not interested_ , she wanted to rail. Then, it hit her.

Her master had more experience than her. Maybe he could make this annoying guy go away.

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt," she drawled. "My dad might definitely be interested." That's when the medbay doors opened, and she saw Barriss standing in her normal attire.

"Ahsoka?" she asked. "I'm all ready to go now." Ahsoka smiled with relief, and said, "I think they're in one of the conference rooms this way." She had reached out with the Force and sensed both older Jedi to their right. Time to get rid of… whoever this guy is.

"Your father?" The Twi'lek looked at the two of them. "But, and excuse my impoliteness here, you two do not look like regular sisters."

"Oh no," Ahsoka said brightly, motioning Barriss along, who looked slightly confused. "We're not biological sisters. I was adopted." Barriss's wide-eyed stare made her catch the Mirialan by the arm and drag her with her, hearing the footsteps of the annoying Twi'lek catch up to them.

* * *

"Well, that explains the weird conversation I walked into when I was released," Barriss said softly. Ahsoka had explained on the way her encounter with the Twi'lek, his offer, and unfortunately his footsteps were still persistently following them which caused them to keep their voices low. "But that doesn't explain why we're letting him follow us. We're Jedi. We can lose him easy."

"I know that!" Ahsoka said testily. "But we might bump into him again while we're here. My master told me about beings like him before, and it sounds like he has had experience dealing with them before. If anyone can get rid of this guy, my master can!" Barriss frowned. "What is it, Barriss?"

"These beings, Ahsoka. They're called salesbeings. Do you at least remember what they're known for?" Now it was Ahsoka's turn to frown.

"No. Why?" Barriss sighed.

"They're known for fast-talking, not the best products, and doing whatever they can to close a sale. That means he won't stop talking our ears off trying to get us to buy his shoddy products."

"So? Anakin's my master. He can deal with anything, even overly talkative beings. Well, unless they get on his nerves fast, especially with what he considers to be nonsense."

"That's my point." Barriss looked behind her; the being was still hot on their trail. "You told the Twi'lek you were taking him to your father, and that you were my adopted sister. What do you think _he_ will think when he sees my master with your master?" The look that came over Ahsoka's face then and there was priceless.

" _Frak_!" she hissed. "If we let him loose on _both_ of our masters, we'll be scrubbing 'freshers for weeks! Worse, we might even have to clean the ship from top to bottom five times within a standard month!"

"At least your master will forgive you." Barriss sighed. "I don't even want to think about what my master will do."

"You don't know Master Anakin like I do," Ahsoka said softly. "I hope after all this at least your master will still like me."

"Why?"

"Because we're in front of the conference room _right_ _now_!" Even as she said those words, she sent a silent plea to the Force that it would be deserted. To her undying embarrassment afterwards, not only was her master there along with Master Luminara, but Rex and Gree were there too along with Admiral Yularen.

They were doomed.

"Okay, turning around and fleeing now," she said softly to Barriss, who nodded emphatically. Too late. The Twi'lek came up from behind enthusiastically, pushing the two Padawans aside as he entered the room. His voice beamed with delight, most of which probably came from those high priced cups of caf and sugar.

"Ah! Here we finally are!" Everyone looked up from what they were doing.

"May we help you?" Anakin asked. Ahsoka looked mournfully at Barriss. Together, slowly the two girls entered the conference room, trying to make themselves as inconspicuous as possible. Level five out of the Nine Corellian Hells awaited them, but they would face it together. Ahsoka still knew that most of it was her fault.

"Actually, it is my understanding that I am here to help you. Your daughter was most helpful in bringing me here to offer you a one-of-a-kind deal." Anakin blinked, obviously thinking he had heard wrong.

"Excuse me, but did you say I had a daughter?" he asked politely.

"Yes! She – Ah, there she is!" He waved over at the two padawans who failed to hide themselves fast enough. "Yes, she and her sister there understood the most splendid offer I have been able to make to them, and thus to you."

"Excuse me." Master Luminara, who was sitting next to Anakin, got the being's attention. "Sisters? You realize the two look nothing like each other."

"Of course I know. The young Togruta explained it all to me. By the way, I congratulate you two on the enormous sacrifice you made." Both Jedi were giving each other curious looks then. The clones and Yularen by now were all leaning forward interestedly. The Padawans braced themselves.

"Sacrifice?" Anakin asked, Master Luminara and he turning back to the strange being.

"Yes! It is noble for a couple who already has one fine looking daughter to be willing to bring in another one, especially one who looks nothing like her adoptive parents." Anakin's eyes bulged, and he looked like he couldn't decide whether to pass out or rage at the Twi'lek. "And I would like to offer you my sincerest congratulations on your continued marriage to this lovely woman." He gestured to Luminara, who closed her eyes in an effort to steady herself. "You two make a most handsome couple if I do say so myself, and both your daughters are the most beautiful flowers to have graced this galaxy in its darkest hour." Anakin and Luminara glanced at each other, jaws tight and tense.

For the others, it was quite a different story. Admiral Yularen and the clones were trying really hard not to laugh outright, faking coughing and snorting into the backs of their hands, while the padawans went to find a new corner of the room to cower in. They were going to be in so. Much. Trouble.

"Uh, sir," Luminara began, being the calmer of the two adult Jedi. "I don't know how you came to that conclusion, but you are mistaken. We," she gestured to Anakin and then herself, "are not married, and we do not have children. We are –"

"Oh, I see. Trying to keep your relationship private with this war going on. I completely understand."

"I meant to say that we are Jedi, and we do not marry nor have children." He blinked, processing this information.

"And those two girls you met were our students, our Padawans," Anakin said. " _Not_ our children." The Twi'lek nodded, deep in thought. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. Bad feelings assaulted both padawans' stomachs.

"Of course! I understand! Considering the pressure you two must be under to win the war while not seek any… physical relief must be great," Anakin clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes while Luminara sighed softly, "but you two still have managed to stay together through it all and you have my admiration for it. Keeping the kids together too, I imagine, requires great effort as well."

"They. Are. Not. Our. Kids." Anakin ground out. Luminara sensed his mood dangerously close to exploding over this guy (did he deserve it? Duh). She would normally have stepped closer or laid a hand on his shoulder to calm him, but that would definitely be misinterpreted, and she remained professional in all gatherings where other military personnel were gathered. A headache was currently forming in between her temples, and she sensed the same was happening to Anakin. What in the name of the Force did their padawans get into now?

As for Anakin, he couldn't believe the cheek of this Twi'lek. First barging in without any sort of introduction or polite request, then trying to sell them… whatever the Force it was, and now insinuating that Luminara and he were in a relationship! Deliberately misinterpreting the fact that they were Jedi as well! If it wouldn't be taken the wrong way, he would have stepped closer to try to absorb the inner peace she almost always seemed to carry. That or reached for a drink. Sadly, the room was quite dry right now. Though, now he sensed her patience wearing thinner than it had on their way here, and before on Geonosis. The obvious snickering behind them wasn't helping matters at all. He sent up a prayer that whatever else happened, Obi-Wan wouldn't hear anything about this.

"Sir," he said, trying very, very hard to be polite. "I think it would be best if you left now." He would be having a long talk with Ahsoka afterwards. Hadn't he warned her about the dangers of salesbeings? Some punishment would be fitting; unfortunately, using the airlock was not an option. Maybe it would work on this guy?

"But sir!" The Twi'lek protested. "I haven't even offered you the deal yet! Of course, now knowing about you two, plus your children, plus your circumstances allows me to give you a better deal on these magnificent vibroblades I have here. After all, a beautiful family like yours needs protection from the terrible war that is ripping everything apart in its path." He then winked at Luminara, who now looked like she had swallowed something sour. "And please, once we have finished let me know if you have a sister. It would be so kind of you to pass that kind of luck onto the seller of the best merchandise you will ever see." Anakin had had enough.

The Jedi Knight rose from the table, moved swiftly forward to collar the being securely, and moved him towards the door. "Thank you for your offer, sir, but as Master Luminara said before, we are Jedi. We have our lightsabers, we don't need your vibroblades, and we are NOT in a relationship!" He pushed the Twi'lek out of the door, hard enough for the being to hit the wall across the hall. "Now, good day, and please leave us alone!" He let the doors shut, tapping a sequence into the panel that would keep the doors to the conference room locked from the outside. They would be undisturbed for the rest of their meeting. He turned to survey the room. Smirks were on the majority's faces, which were quickly being wiped off even as he saw them, but he decided that could be addressed later. He met eyes with Master Luminara, who nodded her thanks. He nodded back.

Finally, he saw the padawans huddling against the back wall. They knew they were going to get punished. He sensed Ahsoka was more to blame than Barriss, though Barriss was equally to blame for the embarrassment her master suffered as well as him.

"Ahsoka," he began. "How many times have I told you to ignore those salesbeings?"

"Well…" she trailed off, yet again. "I thought that, since you were the master, you would know how to deal with those people. Plus, I was only just reminded recently of their name, since I forgot it." He sighed.

"I want you both to go back to our quarters and meditate there."

"For how long?" Ahsoka whined.

"Until we're done." A dangerous glint lit his eye. "Your proper punishment will be discussed at that time."

"Wait!" Barriss said. "I'm Master Luminara's padawan! Shouldn't she assign me my punishment?"

"Yes." Luminara said. "And I happen to agree with Master Anakin on this. You two will accompany each other and meditate with each other until we finish up." A chorus of groans went up, but both padawans grudgingly got up and moved to the door. They knew they had brought it upon themselves. The door was still able to let them out, and they moved out into the hallway. Once they were gone, both Jedi sat back down at the table.

"Now, let's go back to where we were before," Luminara said.

"And I don't want to hear so much as a titter, a snicker, or a guffaw from anyone*," Anakin said. "If I do, you're going to be stuck watching padawans for a while." Rex raised a hand.

"Yes, Captain Rex?" Luminara asked.

"Sir, since you mentioned 'padawans', does that mean General Luminara and you are going to continue to work together?"

"For a while? Closely?" Gree added. For their smart remarks, they received two sets of eyes darkly glaring at each of them.

"Moving. On." Anakin ground out. Admiral Yularen hid a smile.

With Anakin Skywalker as his General, life in the war would never be dull.

* from M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7


End file.
